Solace~even through storms.

Good morning. It is Wednesday, already September, the kids are getting back to school.
I had a nice vacation with my family~overall~ it wasn't perfect, but I will take it.
I have a few pictures, but I have to figure out how to upload them from my e-mail to here. We went to Brainerd, it is north of us, about a two hour drive.
We stayed at a resort that had an indoor water park. It had two slides, and they were fast, I went down twice, and both times, almost drowned, so that was it for me. I am not a big fan of the water to start with. Comes from being a small child, and my dad throwing me in a pool where the water was deep, he thought he was "helping me", well, I nearly died! After that, I never was a big fan of water. To this day, I hyperventilate, even in the shower and tub.
Kyle thought it was fun for about an hour, and  then, much to my disappointment, he went back to the room to play his X-Box. Brandon, however, enjoyed himself, we played basket ball, and I floated on the Lazy River and in the hot tub with him.
The next day, we went to Paul Bunyanland. Paul Bunyan is HUGE folk lore in Minnesota. Anyhow, there  is a giant Paul, and he talks and blinks, he said everyones' name that walks through. Brandon was surprised by that! LOL!
Some of the rides were kind of cheesy, but the new owners are trying to restore it slowly and I can appreciate what their intentions are. The fun part for me was the Pioneer Village, they have over 30 outbuildings with several being from the late 1880's. Some were from the 30's and 40's, but I  had fun looking. There was a general store, a railroad area, reminded me of my late Grandfather, gas station, barber, doctor and more. I have a few photos, but I forgot to bring my camera!
We had a few episodes with Brandon taking off on us. When ever he gets upset, he will just take off. It really upsets me, but the one episode lasted about 45 minutes. I started to really panic inside.
I really chewed him out! Overall, it was fine, but there are just so many changes happening, and I have a hard time with changes myself.
Speaking of changes, if I might ask for just prayer for my family, especially for Brandon, I would deeply appreciate it. Brandon has not had an easy road, nor has Kyle, but they handle things differently I guess. For those of you that don't know, both of our boys are in the Autism spectrum.
They are different in many ways. Kyle has to learn some lessons on his own, as we all do, it is hard to see, but I have to let him, because he is mostly respectful, but I realize that my influence on him is waning, which makes me sad. I don't care for most of his friends. I can see what he doesn't.
Brandon, well, Brandon where do I start? He has been bullied much of his life by other kids, and some adults as well. He is very misunderstood by others, and also taken advantage of. Some horrid things have happened to him, and much of this has come to my attention this past Spring.
My heart is broken for him, he is a very angry young man in some respects.
This has caused us to butt heads a lot lately. He says some very hurtful things, he told me he likes to see me mad, well, when he told me that, guess what? I was more mad!
I wish I could take every bad thing that has happened to him away~ the very things you try and keep from happening to your child~ I am VERY, VERY protective, so it is where I feel like I have failed! A big, fat ZERO, just stick an L in front of my head for LOSER. That is how I feel, and I have no control over any of it. I thought I did, because you try and do all the right things, and it still happens anyway!
So~ if you all haven't figured it out, yes my son was molested. Twice by the neighbors son, who is a few years older. He did this on two different occasions, this family~ OH, this family! I have harbored much anger inside since knowing this! We have had our share of battles with this particular family. Their cat attacked my son~ because the cat was made mean by their son. Brandon had to get rabies shots, it was very painful, he couldn't walk! These people are totally clueless. They are Bosnian~ and Muslim. Their son is deaf, and has other issues, in their culture, they won't deal with that, so they pretend like he is normal, when he is not.
I have to tell you, this kid swings a lot. When I see him, it is all I can do to not want to jump over the fence and do him bodily harm. I wanted to run over him with my car on more than one occasion. I have prayed and prayed and asked God to help me to FORGIVE. It is NOT easy, I want to choke him! He has scarred my son for life. He is very confused about his sexuality, it is VERY hard. So, now that I have aired my laundry for you all, PLEASE pray for Brandon. I know if I take him to a Doctor, they are going to want to put him on meds, and who knows what they really do, especially in young people.  I ask the Lord to take the memories of this away from him, he feels SO bad inside, I have talked with him. I was molested by several people in my family, so I know what he is dealing with. I know what he is feeling, and it is something that you don't ever totally get past it. It is there. He sometimes talks about just wanting to end things, and that is hard to hear. He is a very gentle and sweet soul in so many ways, I love both of my boys, but Brandon and I have a special bond. I cannot explain. I mean, Kyle and I are both alike in the sense, we don't like a lot of "touch". We don't need it. I will hug people, but I am not a touchy feely gal. Kyle you have to tell him ahead of time, I am going to touch you here, he will freak out on you. My husband and Brandon are polar opposites~ they are touchy feely. After scratching them constantly, I am spent, literally! But, I force myself, because they need that touch. Brandon and John, both have back scratchers, but they say, I am better. Well, that is dandy for them. But I do it, because I love them. So, I do a lot of aroma therapy~ vanilla and lavender, in the rooms, soft music, and try to keep things as calm as possible.
Any how, I am just rambling, but I love both of my kids, it is a challenge and a blessing to be their mom, this phase of life, is just harder to navigate right now. I keep praying and fighting, because that is what I do.
Lastly, I thought I would share a few pictures from my garden. Look at my sunflowers? Aren't they HUGE? The birds are all on them! I will take some more in the front, but the sprinkler was on, so I have to wait. We are still working in the back.
My neighbor had appendicitus, so I have been caring for her cats, one of them doesn't like me being there at all, but the other one seems to know I am trying to help.
My mom is also coming tomorrow! I am so happy! I haven't seen her in almost a year.
Maybe I will have more to share. Blogging is supposed to be about sharing your life, it isn't all pretty all the time, I still give thanks in all things, but I admit, I am having a tough time with this one. I know God is not done with me, I know he can heal all things like no one else. I know we have scars, all I know to do is to keep having the faith and believe in his promises. I know he will help my family through this.
I hope that you all are having a good week.
I have started on my swap items, I have not heard from my partner yet. So, I have to admit, I am a bit bummed. I have commented, but haven't heard anything. Maybe I should have sat this one out. I don't know.
God bless.